Unless you rent your home, or own heavy firearms, you
generally don't want your parties operating above Level Three. The true test of
party success, however, is whether or not the police arrive. If they do arrive,
your job as host is to see that they don't arrest anyone. If they are intent on
arresting someone, your job is to see that it isn't you. Following is an example
of how to successfully handle this situation.
Police: "We've come in response to the
You: "Complaints? It isn't about the drugs, is
Police: "No, sir, not drugs."
You: "The guns, then? They're complaining about the
Police: "No, sir. It's about the noise."
You: "Oh, that's all right then. 'Cause there sure aren't
any guns or drugs here, heh heh."
[An explosion sounds somewhere behind you]
You: "Or fireworks either! The neighbors complained, did
Police: "No, sir. The neighbors all fled hours
ago. The recent complaints have come from Canada."
[At this point a Volkswagen Bug, painted in various
Druid symbols, roars out of the living room, past you and the
policemen, out into the front yard and into the nearest tree. Eight naked bodies
tumble out, moaning.]
You: "There, you see? It's winding down