When I was a kid adults used to bore me to tears
with their tedious diatribes about how hard things were
when they were growing up;
what with walking twenty-five miles to school
every morning uphill both ways through
year 'round blizards carrying their younger siblings
on their backs to their one-room schoolhouse
where they maintained a straight-A average
despite their full-time after-school job at the
local textile mill where they worked for 35 cents an hour
just to help keep their family from starving to death!
And I remember promising myself that when I grew up
there was no way in hell I was going to lay
a bunch of crap like that on kids about how hard I
had it and how easy they've got it!
Now that I've reached the ripe old age of 43,
I can't help but look around and notice the youth of today.
You've got it so easy!
I mean, compared to my childhood, you live in a Utopia!
And I hate to say it but you kids today you don't know
how good you've got it!
I mean, when I was a kid we didn't have The
Internet -- we wanted to know something,
we had to go to the damned library and look it up ourselves!
And there was no email!
We had to actually write
somebody a letter
-- with a pen!
--and then you had to walk all the way across
the street and put it in the mailbox
and it would take like a week to get there!
And there were no MP3s or Napsters!
You wanted to steal music, you had to
go to the damned record store and shoplift it
Or we had to wait around all day to
tape it off the radio and the DJ'd usually talk over
the begining and screw it all up!
You want to hear about hardship?
You couldn't just
You had to bribe some homeless dude
to buy you a copy of "Hustler" at the 7-11!
Those were your options!
We didn't have fancy crap like Call Waiting!
If you were on the phone and somebody else
called they got a busy signal!
And we didn't have fancy Caller ID Boxes either!
When the the phone rang, you had no idea who it was
it could be your boss, your mom, a collections
agent, or your drug dealer, you didn't know!!!
You just had to pick it up and take your chances, mister!
And we didn't have any fancy Sony Playstation
videogames with high-resolution 3-D graphics!
We had the Atari 2600!
With games like "Space Invaders" and "Asteroids"
and the graphics sucked!
Your guy was a little square!
You had to use your imagination!
And there were no multiple levels or screens,
it was just one screen forever!
And you could never win,
the game just kept getting
harder and faster until you died!
Just like LIFE!
When you went to the movie theater
there no such thing as stadium seating!
All the seats were the same height!
A tall guy sat in front of you, you were screwed!
And sure, we had cable television,
but back then that was only like 20
channels and there was no onscreen menu!
You had to use a little book called a TV Guide
to find out what was on!
And there was no Cartoon Network!
You could only get cartoons on Saturday morning...
...D'ya hear what I'm saying!?! We had to wait
ALL WEEK, you spoiled little brats!
That's exactly what I'm talking about!
today have got it too easy.
You're spoiled, I swear!!
You guys wouldn't have lasted five minutes back in 1984!