Some helpful tips to make your next shopping trip a little stranger!
Get 24 boxes of condoms,
randomly put them in peoples carts
when they aren't looking.
Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares
to go off at 5 minute intervals.
Make a trail of apple juice on the floor
leading to the rest rooms.
Walk up to an employee
and tell him/her in an official tone,
'Code 3' in Electronics . . .
and see what happens.
Go to the Service Desk
and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.
Set up a tent in the Sporting Goods department
tell other shoppers you'll invite them in
if they bring pillows from the bedding department.
When a clerk asks if they can help you,
begin to cry and ask,
"Why can't you people just leave me alone?"
Look right into the security camera,
use it as a mirror and pick your nose.
Dart around the store suspiciously
while loudly humming the theme from
In the auto department,
practice your "Madonna look"
using different size funnels.
While handling guns in the hunting department,
ask the clerk if he knows where
the anti-depressants are.
Hide in a clothing rack
when people browse through,
say "PICK ME! PICK ME!"
When an announcement comes over the loud speaker,
assume the fetal position and scream
"NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!"
Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign
to a carpeted area.
And last but not least:
Go into a fitting room,
shut the door and wait a while,
then yell loudly "There's no toilet paper in here!"