10. He eats your milk and cookies -- and then nails your wife. 9. Every naughty thing you did this year was videotaped and posted on the Internet. 8. On Christmas morning, the only thing in your stocking is a foot! 7. The only "gift" you received was left by Blitzen on your living room carpet. 6. Instead of, "Ho, Ho, Ho," he greets you with, "Nice sweater, fat ass". 5. He leaves a mysterious letter saying, "I know when you are sleeping, and I know how to kill a man without leaving any marks!". 4. You get no presents -- then when you bump into him later, he gives you the lame "I thought you were Jewish" excuse. 3. He brings you nothing but John Tesh, and Kathie Lee CDs.(Oh no, Not that!) 2. Turns his reindeer loose on you. And the Number one way to know Santa hates you, (Drumroll please...) (Thank you!) 1. He writes "Happy Holidays" in the snow on your roof.