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And people wonder why the unemployment rate is so high.
The following are from actual resume's sent in to major corporations nationwide!


"I have lurnt Word Perfect 6.0 computor and spreasheet progroms."

Maybe you should have Lurnt how to spell too!




"Am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details."

Yes, and it shows!



"Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year."

Glad i didn't work there!



"Wholly responsible for two (2) failed financial institutions."

Signed, Kenneth Lay!



"Reason for leaving last job: maturity leave."

Let me guess, The boss said, "Oh, Grow Up!!".



"Failed bar exam with relatively high grades."

I once failed a breathalyzer the same way!



"It's best for employers that I not work with people."

Last position, Personel Director.



"Let's meet, so you can 'ooh' and 'aah' over my experience."

Only if you make fireworks!



"I was working for my mom until she decided to move."

Mom really loved ya huh?



"Marital status: single. Unmarried. Unengaged.
Uninvolved. No commitments."

This guy is very very alone.



"I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse."

Too bad, we were looking for a horse.



"I am loyal to my employer at all costs.
Please feel free to respond to my resume on my office voice mail."

Can I speak to your boss too?



"My goal is to be a meteorologist.
But since I possess no training in meteorology,
I suppose I should try stock brokerage."

Maybe you should look into Fast Food.



"I procrastinate, especially when the task is unpleasant."

Finally, an honest person.



"Personal interests: donating blood. Fourteen gallons so far."

Maybe you need a new hobby.



"Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain store."

Former position, CEO of Kmart.



"Note: Please don't misconstrue my 14 jobs as 'job-hopping'.
I have never quit a job."

You sound very reliable.



"Marital status: often. Children: various."

Mental status, Out to Lunch!



"The company made me a scapegoat,
just like my three previous employers."

I hate bosses like that too!



"Finished eighth in my class of ten."

I think you peaked too soon.



"References: none.
I've left a path of destruction behind me."

I used to work with this guy!





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Rich Cavanaugh
Fun D Mental.com

Gladwin, MI

USA




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