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What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
How does a man show he's planning for the future?
He buys two cases of beer instead of one.
How are men like commercials?
You can't believe a word either one of them says
and they both last for about 60 seconds.
Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize one egg?
They won't stop to ask directions either.
What do men and sperm have in common?
They both have a one-in-a-million chance
of becoming a human being.
How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
Nobody knows, it hasn't happened yet.
Why are married women heavier than single women?
Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed.
Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.
What is the one thing that most men at singles bars have in common?
They are married.
How do you get a man to do sit-ups?
Put the remote control between his toes.
Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good looking?
Because they all already have boyfriends.
What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
Why can't men get mad cow disease?
Because they're all pigs.
What did God say after creating Adam?
"I can do better than that."
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