Justice isn't just Blind, sometimes it's Dumb too!
Was that the same nose you broke as a child?
(He obviously wasn't talking to Michael Jackson!)
Now, doctor, isn't it true that when a person
dies in his sleep, in most cases he just passes
quietly away and doesn't know anything about it
until the next morning?
(I Hope not!)
Q: What happened then?
A: He told me, he says, "I have to kill you because
you can identify me."
Q: Did he kill you?
(Yes he Did!)
Was it you or your brother that was killed
in the war?
(It was Me!!)
The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
(He's Five!)
Were you alone or by yourself?
(There was three of us, Me, Myself, and I!)
How long have you been a French-Canadian?
(About 6 months, before that I was Japanese!)
Do you have any children or anything of that kind?
(I Have a couple Guppies, Does that count?)
Q: I show you exhibit 3 and ask you if you
recognize that picture.
A: That's me.
Q: Were you present when that picture was taken?
(Who do you think took the Picture?)
Were you present in court this morning
when you were sworn in?
(No, I was at the IHOP eating Waffles!)
Q: Now, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first
marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
(Mine!)
Q: Do you know how far pregnant you are now?
A: I'll be three months on November 8.
Q: Apparently, then, the date of conception was
August 8?
A: Yes.
Q: What were you doing at that time?
(Censored!)
Q: Mrs. Jones, do you believe you are
emotionally stable?
A: I used to be.
Q: How many times have you committed suicide?
(Just Once!)
So you were gone until you returned?
(No, I'm still gone!)
Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there girls?
(No, They were orangotans!)
You don't know what it was, and you didn't
know what it looked like, but can you describe it?
(Nope!)
Q: You say that the stairs went down
to the basement?
A: Yes.
Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?
(No, they were One Way stairs!)
Q: Have you lived in this town all your life?
A: Not yet.
(Good Comeback!)
A Texas attorney, realizing he was on the verge
of unleashing a stupid question, interrupted himself
and said, "Your Honor, I'd like to strike the next
question."
(At least he didn't object!)
Q: Do you recall approximately the time that you
examined the body of Mr. Edington at the Rose Chapel?
A: It was in the evening.
The autopsy started about 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Edington was dead at the time, is that correct?
A: No, you Moron, he was sitting on the table wondering
why I was doing an autopsy!
(Nuff Said!)
