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Off-the-Wall things said by lawyers on actual Court Records Nationwide!

Justice isn't just Blind, sometimes it's Dumb too!


Was that the same nose you broke as a child?
(He obviously wasn't talking to Michael Jackson!)

Now, doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, in most cases he just passes quietly away and doesn't know anything about it until the next morning?
(I Hope not!)

Q: What happened then?
A: He told me, he says, "I have to kill you because you can identify me."
Q: Did he kill you?
(Yes he Did!)

Was it you or your brother that was killed in the war?
(It was Me!!)

The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
(He's Five!)

Were you alone or by yourself?
(There was three of us, Me, Myself, and I!)

How long have you been a French-Canadian?
(About 6 months, before that I was Japanese!)

Do you have any children or anything of that kind?
(I Have a couple Guppies, Does that count?)

Q: I show you exhibit 3 and ask you if you recognize that picture.
A: That's me.
Q: Were you present when that picture was taken?
(Who do you think took the Picture?)

Were you present in court this morning when you were sworn in?
(No, I was at the IHOP eating Waffles!)

Q: Now, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
(Mine!)

Q: Do you know how far pregnant you are now?
A: I'll be three months on November 8.
Q: Apparently, then, the date of conception was August 8?
A: Yes.
Q: What were you doing at that time?
(Censored!)

Q: Mrs. Jones, do you believe you are emotionally stable?
A: I used to be.
Q: How many times have you committed suicide?
(Just Once!)

So you were gone until you returned?
(No, I'm still gone!)

Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there girls?
(No, They were orangotans!)

You don't know what it was, and you didn't know what it looked like, but can you describe it?
(Nope!)

Q: You say that the stairs went down to the basement?
A: Yes.
Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?
(No, they were One Way stairs!)

Q: Have you lived in this town all your life?
A: Not yet.
(Good Comeback!)

A Texas attorney, realizing he was on the verge of unleashing a stupid question, interrupted himself and said, "Your Honor, I'd like to strike the next question."
(At least he didn't object!)

Q: Do you recall approximately the time that you examined the body of Mr. Edington at the Rose Chapel?
A: It was in the evening. The autopsy started about 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Edington was dead at the time, is that correct?
A: No, you Moron, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy!
(Nuff Said!)



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Fun D Mental.com

Gladwin, MI

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