When you are sad... I will get you drunk and help you plot revenge against the scum-sucking parasite who made you sad. When you are scared... I will laugh at you and tease you about it every chance I get. When you are worried... I will tell you how much worse it could be and to quit complaining. When you are confused... I will use little words to explain it to your dumb ass. When you are sick... I will hold your hair while you pay homage to the porcelain god. When you fall... I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass. This is my oath, I pledge till the end. Why you may ask? Because you're my friend!