Who says cops don't have a sense of humor?
The following were taken off of
actual police car videos around the
"Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new.
They'll stretch out
after you wear them awhile."
"Take your hands off the car, and I'll make your birth certificate a
"If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."
"Can you run faster than 1,200 feet per second?
In case you didn't know,
that is the average speed of a 9mm bullet fired from my gun."
"In God we trust,
all others we run through NCIC."
"So you don't know how fast you were going.
I guess that means I can write
anything I want on the ticket, huh?"
"Warning! You want a warning?
O.K., I'm warning you not to do that again
or I'll give you another ticket."
"Fair? You want me to be fair?
Listen, fair is a place where you go to
ride on rides,
eat cotton candy, and step in monkey crap."
"Just how big were those two beers?"
"Yeah, we have a quota.
Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."
"Yes, Sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will
Oh ... did I mention that I am the shift supervisor?"
"The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or
Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"
"I'm glad to hear the Chief of Police is a good personal friend of yours.
At least you know someone who can post your bail."
"No sir we don't have quotas anymore.
We used to have quotas,
we're allowed to write as many tickets as we want."
and the best one . . . . .
"You didn't think we give pretty women tickets?
You're right, we don't.