What I need to know about life I learned from TV!
No matter how badly a spaceship is attacked,
its internal gravity system is never damaged.
The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place.
No one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can
travel to any other part of the building you want without difficulty.
When paying for a taxi, don't look at your wallet as you take out a bill
- just grab one at random and hand it over.
It will always be the exact fare.
During all police investigations,
it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once.
A single match will be sufficient to light up a room
the size of Madison Square Garden.
It is always possible to park directly outside
the building you are visiting.
It is not necessary to say hello or goodbye
when beginning or ending phone conversations.
If there is a deranged killer on the loose,
this will coincide with a thunderstorm that has brought down all the power and
phone lines in the vicinity.
You're very likely to survive any battle in any war -
unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of
your sweetheart back home.
All grocery shopping bags contain at least
one stick of French bread.
Film & TV stars are super-human-
they never need to use the bathroom!
Most laptop computers are powerful enough
to override the communication systems of any
invading alien civilization.
When you turn out the light to go to bed,
everything in your room will still be clearly visible,
just slightly bluish.
When they are alone,
all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.
Action heroes never face charges
for manslaughter or criminal damage
despite laying entire cities to waste.
Any computer, anywhere, even in the jungle,
can hack into the most secure goverment system.
If you are being chased by zombies
run as fast as you can,
even though they can barely walk,
they will still catch up with you.
Cars and trucks that crash
will almost always burst into flames.
If your town is threatened by an imminent natural disaster or killer beast,
the mayor's first concern will be the tourist trade
or his forthcoming art exhibition.
At least one of a pair of identical twins
is born evil.
And most importantly:
Always look behind you when you hear menacing violin music begin to play.