1. Never slap a man who's chewin' tobacco. 2. Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment. 3. Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in. 4. If you're ridin' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there. 5. If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around. 6. There's two theories to arguin' with a woman. Neither one works. 7. If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'. 8. Never kick a cow chip on a hot day. 9. Don't squat with your spurs on. 10. Never miss a good chance to shut up. 11. It don't take a genius to spot a goat in a flock of sheep. 12. Always drink upstream from the herd. 13. There are three kinds of people: The ones that learn by reading, The few who learn by observation, and the rest of them who have to touch the fire to see for themselves if it's really hot.