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These are actual clippings from church newspapers.
Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa will be speaking tonight
at Calvary Memorial Church in Racine.
Come tonight and hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.
Wow! Now that's Impressive!
The cost for attending the Fasting and Prayer conference includes meals.
Sounds like an Al Sharpton Hunger Strike!
Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the recreation hall.
Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.
Hey! Now that's just wrong!
Miss Charlene Mason sang, "I will not pass this way again,"
giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
Was it That bad?
Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale.
It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house.
Don't forget your husbands.
Yeah like anyone wants a second hand husband!!
Next Sunday is the family hay ride and bonfire at the Fowlers'.
Bring your own hot dogs and guns.
Friends are welcome!
Everyone come for a fun time.
Guns, and Hot Dogs, A scary combination!
The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been
canceled due to a conflict.
Someone needs to pay closer attention to the classes!
The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water"
The sermon tonight:
"Searching for Jesus"
Hope he's okay!
Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir.
They need all the help they can get.
I've heard a few of those!
Barbara remains in the hospital and needs
blood donors for more transfusions.
She is also having trouble sleeping and requests
tapes of Pastor Jack's sermons.
That would probably cure the insomnia!
The Rector will preach his farewell message after which
the choir will sing "Break Forth into Joy."
Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community.
Smile at someone who is hard to love.
Say "hell" to someone who doesn't care much about you.
Always works for me!
Don't let worry kill you - let the Church help.
Pastor Kevorkian is always available!
Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on
October 24 in the church.
So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
Sounds about right!
A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening
in the church hall.
Music will follow.
Have some pineapple, and you'll have Hawaiian Music!
At the evening service tonight,
the sermon topic will be "What is Hell?"
Come early and listen to our choir practice.
They're not That bad!
Eight new choir robes are currently needed,
due to the addition of several new members and to the
deterioration of some older ones.
Should have taken better care of themselves!
The senior choir invites any member of the congregation
who enjoys sinning to join the choir.
My kinda choir!
Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles
, and other items to be recycled.
Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
Now that's not nice!
The Lutheran men's group will meet at 6 PM.
Steak, mashed potatoes, green beans,
bread and dessert will be served for a nominal feel.
Must be one of those "Progressive" churches!
For those of you who have children and don't know it,
we have a nursery downstairs.
Those of you that have children, and don't know it, What's wrong with you?!
Please place your donation in the envelope along with the
deceased person(s) you want remembered.
Better be a Big envelope grandma gained some weight!
Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker
and heave a healthy lunch.
I'd rather keep the lunch myself!
The church will host an evening of fine dining,
superb entertainment, and gracious hostility.
At least they're gracious about it!
Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 P.M.-
prayer and medication to follow.
Maybe they need better cooks!
The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind.
They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
This was followed by a stampede for the basement!!
This evening at 7 P.M. there will be a hymn sing
in the park across from the Church.
Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
Sounds like a good time!
Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10.
All ladies are invited to lunch in the
Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.
I'm not saying a word!
The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies
of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles
for the pancake breakfast next Sunday morning.
Never saw an Electric Girdle before!
Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM.
Please use the back door.
Yeah, we don't want to look at you!
The eighth graders will be presenting
Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM.
The Congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
Everyone's a critic!
Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM
at the First Presbyterian Church.
Please use large double door at the side entrance.
Sure, Rub it in!
Mrs. Johnson will be entering the hospital this week for testes.
all I can say is, Ouch!
The Associate Minister unveiled the church's
new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday:
"I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours."
Up yours too buddy!
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