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Some greeting cards we'd love to see at Hallmark,
But probably never will!
"Looking back over the years that we've been together,
I can't help but wonder: What the heck was I thinking?"
"Congratulations on your wedding day!
Too bad no one likes your wife."
"I've always wanted to have someone to hold,
someone to love.
After having met you, I've changed my mind."
"I must admit, you brought religion in my life.
I never believed in Hell until I met you."
"Someday I hope to get married, but not to you."
"Congratulations on your promotion. Before you go,
would you like to take this knife out of my back.
You'll probably be needing it again."
"As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am
that you're not here to ruin it for me."
"I'm so miserable without you,
it's almost like you're here."
"Congratulations on your new bundle of joy.
Did you ever find out who the father was?"
"How could two people as beautiful as you
have such an ugly baby?"
I'm too shy to ask in person,
but what is that thing on your face?
A mole, a wart? WHAT????
"Your friends and I wanted to do something special for
your birthday - so we're having you put to sleep."
Thinking of you sweetheart, which, technically,
the court order can't prevent.
Just wanted to say "I love you"
when I wasn't falling down drunk.
The Medicated Shampoo Took Care of It.
"Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!"
(available only in certain parts of the South.)
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