TOP 10 BETTER WAYS TO CHOOSE A PRESIDENT
Maybe all this Election stuff is just too darned
complicated for Americans to handle anymore.
Do we really want to hear about "Hanging Chads"
and God Forbid "Pregnant Chads" again?!
In the spirit of protecting Democracy,
we present 10 Better ways to choose our next President!
Nationally televised tickle fight
The Clinton Test:
Have George Clinton decide who got da funk
Gladiator-style fight to the death
Give it to the natural-born American citizen
above the age of 35 who,
can eat the most pickled eggs in 60 seconds
Steel cage, chocolate pudding,
over the top, sudden death, pay-per-view
Battle of the Future First Ladies
All citizens are issued sharp sticks,
and the poking begins.
The last person in the country with an eye
is declared president.
Have Regis Philbin host "Who Wants to be the President?",
but make the questions a bit easier
"Mr. President" Speedo swimsuit competition
See which candidate can outlast the others
in a grueling battle of acceptance speeches
One BIG MONSTER TRUCK contest!
On ELECTION DAY ELECTION DAY ELECTION DAY!!!