|
SYMPTOM
|
FAULT |
ACTION |
|
Feet cold and
wet. |
Glass being held at incorrect angle. |
Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling.
|
|
Feet warm and
wet. |
Improper bladder control. |
Stand next to nearest dog, complain about house
training. |
|
Beer unusually pale and
tasteless. |
Glass empty. |
Get
someone to buy you another beer.
|
|
Opposite wall covered with
fluorescent lights. |
You
have fallen over backward. |
Have
yourself leashed to bar. |
|
Mouth contains cigarette
butts. |
You
have fallen forward. |
See
above. |
|
Beer tasteless, front of your
shirt is wet. |
Mouth not open, or glass applied to wrong part of face.
|
Retire to restroom, practice in mirror.
|
|
Floor
blurred. |
You
are looking through bottom of empty glass.
ACTION: |
Get
someone to buy you another beer. |
|
Floor moving.
|
You
are being carried out. |
Find
out if you are being taken to another bar. |
|
Room seems unusually
dark. |
Bar
has closed. |
Confirm home address with bartender. |
|
Taxi suddenly takes on colorful
aspect and textures. |
Beer
consumption has exceeded personal limitations. |
Cover mouth. |
|
Everyone looks up to you and
smiles. |
You
are dancing on the table. |
Fall
on somebody cushy-looking. |
|
Beer is
crystal-clear. |
It's
water. Somebody is trying to sober you up. |
Punch him. |
|
Hands hurt, nose hurts, mind
unusually clear. |
You
have been in a fight. |
Apologize to everyone you see, just in case it was them.
|
|
Don't recognize anyone, don't
recognize the room you're in. |
You've wandered into the wrong party. |
See
if they have free beer. |
|
Your singing sounds
distorted. |
The
beer is too weak. |
Have
more beer until your voice improves. |
|
Don't remember the words to the
song. |
Beer
is just right. |
Play
air guitar. |
