Thanks to all my friends who sent me such important e-mails in the past year!
It's so wonderful that you included me in your quest to inform!
Because of all of you:
I stopped drinking Coca-Cola after I found out
that it's good for removing toilet stains.
I smell awful,
but thank goodness I stopped using deodorant because they cause cancer.
I stopped consuming several foods
for fear that the estrogen they contain
may turn me gay!
I stopped going to the movies for fear of
sitting on a needle infected with AIDS.
I don't leave my car in any parking lot even though
I sometimes have to walk about seven blocks, for fear that someone
might drug me with a perfume sample and then try to rob me.
I also stopped answering the phone for fear that
they will ask me to dial a stupid number and then I get a phone bill from hell
with calls to Uganda, Singapore and Tokyo.
I also stopped eating chicken and hamburgers
because they are nothing more than horrible mutant freaks
with no eyes or feathers that are bred in a lab so that
places like McDonalds can sell their Big Macs.
I also stopped drinking anything out of a can
for fear that I will get sick from the rat feces and urine.
When I go to parties, I don't mix with anybody,
for fear that someone will take my kidneys and leave me
taking a nap in a bathtub full of ice.
I donated all my savings to the Amy Bruce account.
That poor sick little girl that was about to die in the hospital.
Funny thing, she never seems to get any older.
I went bankrupt from bounced checks that I wrote,
expecting the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL were supposed to send me
when I participated in their special e-mail program.
It's weird, though,
my free cell phone never arrived,
and neither did the passes for my paid vacation to Disneyland.
Even though I sent the email to 100 friends like I was supposed to.
But I am positive that all this is because
of the chain letter I broke which gave me a curse.
If you don't send this e-mail to
at least 750 people in the next ten seconds,
a bird will crap on your head tonight at 10:00 PM