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Real Accident Reports!

Here's proof that you Can build a Better Idiot!

The following are actual statements found in insurance forms where drivers attempted to summarize the details of an accident in the fewest words. !

Coming home, I drove into
the wrong house and collided with a tree
I don't have.
(And you were driving with a license you shouldn't have had!)


I thought my window was down,
but I found out it was up
when I put my head through it.
(The lack of a breeze
should have given you a clue!)


A truck backed through my windshield
into my wife's face.
(Gee, I hate it when that happens!)


A pedestrian hit me and
went under my car.
(Maybe he was hiding?)


The guy was all over the road,
I had to swerve a number of times
before I hit him.
(Good thing you were persistant!)


I attempted to kill a fly,
and I drove into a telephone pole.
(A bit drastic, don't you think?)


I pulled away from the side of the road,
glanced at my mother- in-law,
and headed over the embankment.
(A lot of people feel this way!)


I had been driving for forty years,
when I fell asleep at the wheel
and had an accident.
(I'd be tired too!)


I was on my way to the doctor
with rear end trouble and my
universal joint gave way,
causing me to have an accident.
(The big question is,
Did the doctor fix your Rear End?)


To avoid hitting the bumper of the car
in front, I struck the pedestrian.
(Good thing, you could have dented that bumper!)


An invisible car come out of nowhere,
struck my car and vanished.
(Yeah, He's a real troublemaker!)


I told the police that I was not injured,
but on removing my hat, found
that I had a fractured skull.
(And a Lame Brain!)


The pedestrian had no idea which
direction to run, so I ran over him.
(Helpful fella, aren't ya?)


I saw a slow-moving, sad-faced
old gentleman as he bounced off
the hood of my car.
(Bet he looked even sadder after that!)


In indirect cause of the accident was a
little guy in a small car with a big mouth.
(I think I know this guy!)


I was thrown from the car as it
left the road. I was later found in a ditch
by some stray dogs.
(If not for those dogs the idiot
would still be lost!)


The telephone pole was approaching.
I was attempting to swerve out of its way
when it struck my front end.
(Nothing worse than a suicidal Telephone Pole!)



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Rich Cavanaugh
Fun D Mental.com

Gladwin, MI

USA




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