10. Take out the fortune before you eat the cookie.
9. Never lick a steak knife.
8. Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill
and a laxative on the same night.
7. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear
and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.
6. You should never say anything to a woman that even
remotely suggests you think she's pregnant unless you can see
an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.
5. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people
to make a big deal about your birthday.
That time is age 11.
4. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason
why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve,
its full potential, that word would be "meetings."
3. A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter,
is not a nice person.
2. When God, who created the entire universe with all of its glories,
decides to deliver a message to humanity,
He WILL NOT use, as His messenger,
a person on cable TV with a bad hairstyle.
And the Number One thing it took me 40 Years to learn is...
Your friends love you, anyway.